the chirping

Last night I shot out of sleep at 3:10 a.m.

chirp! chirp! chirp!

In the midst of panic my thinking was clear: check the apartment for fire, smell the air for smoke, plan means of exit, grab discs with all our photos on them.

My one overwhelming, irrational fear is being caught in a house fire. Anything that remotely sounds like a fire alarm has me breathing raggedly and going through my emergency checklist; weird smells will send me into a frenzy.

chirp!

The apartment is small and it didn't take long to rule out a fire in our part of the building. I sniffed the air. Peanut butter cookies? Who the heck cooks peanut butter cookies at this hour of night? Wait...my nose is half plugged, maybe it's really smoke but I think it's a tasty treat.

chirp! chirp!

How is J sleeping through this? Should I wake him up? Nobody else in our building is moving around. Get back in bed and calm down.

chirp!

It's just the you-need-to-change-my-battery chirp of a smoke detector. Breathe in and out, nothing is burning, you are safe. Just pull out the battery and go back to sleep. I drag a folding chair into the hall and try to pull off the cap thing of the smoke alarm. It's stuck. The chirps I'm hearing don't seem to be coming from it. They have to be. J would make this all better if I woke him up, but if he can sleep through why should I ruin his sleep?

chirp! chirp! chirp!

I'm back in bed. The chirping seems to be taking a break, try to sleep. Sleep? Are you kidding me? My heart is still racing and I'm panting for air. I talk myself down from my panic and close my eyes.

chirp!

Eyes open. I think my fear of house fires started back when I was a kid and we would watch Rescue 911. I loved that show - stories of all kinds of real emergencies, bad actors portraying it all. There were one too many house fire shows, though. One too many episodes of Christmas trees catching on fire and candles burning too long. I had three recurring nightmares about being caught in a fire until well through high school.

chirp! chirp!

My heart is still pounding. Whenever I'd sleep over at a friend's house around Christmas and they'd leave the twinkle lights on all night I'd creep into the living room and watch. While the rest of the house slept I'd guard the tree just to make sure nothing kindled, just to make sure nobody would fall asleep from the smoke and burn in their beds.

chirp!

Why won't it stop chirping? I can't sleep, I'm freaked out. Back out to the hall with a folding chair (J still sleeping peacefully), tugging at the smoke alarm. I get the cap off!

There's no battery. This doesn't make me feel better, why is it chirping if there is no battery? Why would it chirp when it's wired into the ceiling? J finally awakes from my shuffling and creaking and I whisper the whole story...I've been up an hour now freaking out.

chirp! chirp!

I sit tensely on the bed as J fiddles with the alarm. Sixty seconds later the chirping is gone. It was the alarm in the bedroom, not the hall. The battery is pulled and J has saved my sanity. He gives me snuggles and tells me everything is okay. He tells me next time to wake him up so he can take care of me instead of worrying myself to death for an hour.

"Silly B," he says, "that's what I'm here for!" We burrow under the covers and close our eyes. All is well, it's time to sleep.

silence!